@TheMichaelRock: Go home North Korea, you're drunk.
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@Reverend_Scott: ME: Can you stop the car here? I wanna pet the dogs at that animal shelter. ARRESTING OFFICER: No.
@EllenPallas: Life tip - buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. You are welcome.
@lalenguafuerte: Rihanna says, "chains & whips excite me." I doubt her ancestors felt the same way...
@inmynewskin: I’m going on an all breadcrumb diet because I’ve never seen a duck with a double chin.