@sweet_toof: Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheDailySchmuck: "It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!" When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil's food cake with my bare hands.
@OhHellsYes: I need a car. Hiding in people's trunks and hoping they're going to Wal-Mart isn't working out for me.
@freshestginger: *Librarian walks in* You know what's great kids? You don't need wifi to read a book! *Kids boo* *Someone in the crowd yells "NERD"*
@seamussaid: my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I'm being very selective so she learns to have standards