@sweet_toof: Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours
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@hmmwalsh: Twitter is perfect for men, because with men brevity is key. Beyond 140 characters they know they're going to say something wrong.
@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
@thepatrickwalsh: Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."