@markydoodoo: Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable.
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@AGreaterMonster: Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?
@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media
@decentbirthday: Buddha: all life is suffering Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes
@kumailn: Every text from my mom is the most heart breaking thing I've ever read. Until the next text from my mom.