@AngelaEhh: Go to bed barstool. You're drunk
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@murrman5: [waiting with friend for his test results] "I'm nervous" I'm sure you're fine *sees 2 doctors playing rock paper scissors outside room*
@VodkaThursday: What I learned from watching Star Trek: Nothing. I've never watched Star Trek. I am popular with friends. We don't do that.
@Reverend_Scott: Obama: Wave at the people, Joe. Biden: IMMA POINT AT'EM Obama: Please just wave. Biden:
@abbycohenwl: Bring an urn speed dating. Whenever a prospective match asks a question, whisper to urn, "I don't know, Mom: should I tell him?"