@Tmoney68: If Twitter has done nothing else, it's trained me to spell words like diarrhea, gonorrhea & chlamydia without spell check.

@pinningnut: My husband and I are thinking about leaving everything to our dog. What he will do with $20.00 I don't know. But I hope he enjoys it.

@curlycomedy: Thank you for fixing my bends, but why on Earth did you crack my rims?!

@AtticusFinch79: [McDonald's drive thru] ME: i'd like a happy meal with a coke HIM: will that be a regular coke or an eight ball?

@Reverend_Scott: JESUS: Happy Father's Day, Joe. [hands over present] JOSEPH: Wow, thanks Jesus. I wonder what it- [present is empty] [Jesus and God hi-5]