@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
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@jonnysun: *slips on a banamna peel* *lifts up banamna peel w/ end of pen* somone get the detective,. somwhere out there, theres a nude banana
@Mr_Kapowski: *Boss approaches desk* "What the fu.." Me, wearing paper clip necklace - "See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.