@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
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@JermHimselfish: I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me.
@roostermustache: Me: can i play music Funeral director: that's not appropriate Me: nana would've wanted it Director: ok CD player: someBODY once told me
@osoplain: I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
@WilliamRodgers: Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now....