@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@seamussaid: dude told me he did a line with Emma Watson but I know he was lying - she's British, they call them "queues"
@LoveYoorFate: It's like my Uncle said, no body, no crime Coworker: I only asked how your weekend was...
@Maui_Speaks: Dear person who just turned in your resume with no name or phone number. You didn't get the job.