@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
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@13spencer: A man at a cemetery for Titanic victims claims to have taken a photo of a ghost. The ghost reportedly said "there was room for two people."
@stephenjmolloy: Job interviewer: "It says on your résumé that you went to Cambridge University." Me: "Yeah, I was visiting my sister."