@LuckoftheDraw86: God invented co-workers to remind us that dying alone wouldn't be such a bad thing.
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@Adar79Angie: When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it's perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach's.
@pmclellan: My family doctor says "you really need to lose weight," and my witch doctor says "moh ki kaa raa." I think I'll just moh ki kaa raa tbh.
@jonnysun: crime tip: secretley grease a cop's butt befor a car chase so when he slides acros the hood he'll slip off & keep on slidimg down the street