@LuckoftheDraw86: God invented co-workers to remind us that dying alone wouldn't be such a bad thing.
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@flashember: [after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT
@2tickytacky: I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.