@VerifiedDrunk: God is everywhere and knows everything? God sounds a lot like my ex-wife.
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@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If these walls could talk I bet it would be gibberish cause these walls are plastered.
@ericsshadow: If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking.
@SocialBitterfly: *one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!