@VerifiedDrunk: God is everywhere and knows everything? God sounds a lot like my ex-wife.
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@hythemafia: My friend was bleeding, and the first aid book told me to apply pressure... ..So I told him if he didn't stop bleeding right away, he'd die
@what_eve_r: my aunt: why u kids always on them phones cant u have a real conversation me: *puts down phone* *crosses legs* why did u melt the ice caps
@the_tsai_guy: People who tie their sweaters around their necks look like they were giving somebody a piggyback ride before the person got Raptured.