@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
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@mrtimlong: When comedians die, why does everyone tell them to "make God laugh"? You wouldn't order a dead carpenter to "make God some bookshelves."
@LoveNLunchmeat: Women prefer to become ghosts in the afterlife because WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET
@LizHackett: Some guy tried to cut me off in traffic and I screamed, "I'm wearing a sports bra to a business meeting, I am afraid of nothing!"
@mattgallo123: Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.