@JRehling: God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.
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@VerifiedDrunk: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the very next day you told me you're gay....
@fluffysuse: There are three types of people: 1. Annoying people 2. Annoying people I am sleeping with 3. People I haven't met
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."