@johnsykes1035: "God's last name is not Dammit." Unknown
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@Steelers1972: Cop ~ Do you know how fast you were going sir ? Me ~ Uhhh .... Roughly about the same as you Cop ~ Get out
@shutupmikeginn: Call me when you have $50,000 and you'll get your little girl back. Call in the next five minutes and I'll throw in a second kid as a gift.
@laurenreeves: "911, what's your emergency?" "Hi. Long time listener, first time caller." "That's really funny." "Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."