@karencheee: Going to the gym is such a great workout. I never actually enter the building, but the walk there is nice. Sometimes I even walk back.
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@Adam14: Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!
@sixfootcandy: Him: I think I'm getting sick. Me: Do you want some euthanasia? Him: I'm pretty sure it's called echinacea. Me: Tomato, tomahto.
@Sickayduh: The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. "Too pudgy to be a terminator" says one woman.
@citizenkawala: I wrote a Facebook status asking what's happening in Young Sheldon and then unfriended everyone who replied.