@akmalshamil: *goku flies into the sunset* not knowing how the sun and earth really work he says "WHAT THE HELL WHERE'S THAT SUNSET BEEN FLYING FOR DAYS"
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@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)
@mynameisntdave: MOBSTER: *cracks knuckles* ME: that supposed to intimidate me? *his fingers start to glow like glowsticks* ME: k I'm scared but thats rad
@AaronFullerton: Making a list of all the people who wrote "Happy Birthday" on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who's secretly mad at me.
@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.