@SteveSuckington: Good call inventor of glass tables. There's nothing more appetizing than realizing Aunt Mildred doesn't wear panties while I'm trying to eat
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@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@gringothespice: My wife punched me during sex last night. Probably a good idea that my mistress and I do it at her place next time.
@BatBatshitcrazy: Rum: We've replaced her depth perception with fun house mirrors, now we wait. *misses last two stairs, face plants* Rum: tee-hee