@Sickayduh: Good cop: WHAT ARE YOU DOING - HE WAS UNARMED
Dog cop: *plants a vacuum cleaner on body*
@NickadooLA: Mitt Romney says that people who are voting for Barack Obama don't work and don't pay taxes. I guess that means Romney is voting for Obama.
@OfficeofSteve: I don't know why Squirrels are hiding their disgusting acorns when literally no one else eats them
@YayForJam: Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart
@Shock_Monster: HR: Does anyone know what FMLA stands for?
Me: Fire My Lazy Ass?
Me: I was gonna guess Lesbian Ass but thought that's inappropriate.
@AmishPornStar1: "I'll be back!"