@Dawn_M_: Good luck listening to 80's music without imagining my silhouette doing karate poses.
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@SeanINCypress: Beer is so smart that if you drink enough, right around your midsection, it builds a shelf for you to rest bottles on.
@kentgrossarth: Accidentally dialed 911 so I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.
@bourgeoisalien: man: you're beautiful me: gross man: humanity is a black hole of stupid and i'm dying inside me: [heart beats fast] oh my god are you single