@pissrifle: good news Craig, we got your murder charge bumped down to theft. just tell us why you stole that dude's blood/bones
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@ericsshadow: THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
@HughGoesThere: Writer: Got this great idea for a movie... “102 Dalmations.” Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.