@Reverend_Scott: Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that.
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@mattsurely: WOMAN: Is anyone here a doctor?! MAN: I sure am! And I think I can. Save that man. Like eggs & ham. W: Shutup Seuss! I meant a real doctor.
@Reverend_Scott: [1692 Salem] "BURN THE WITCH" U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH "No, Frank, at the stake" [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that.
@AlanFelyk: “You’re driving us apart!” —Crazy woman you met on eHarmony who’s hanging onto your windshield wipers as you turn the corner