@Reverend_Scott: Good thing Father's Day is only one day. I don't think I could stand to be a father longer than that.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [kidnapped & trapped in trunk] *hot wires rear blinker lights to communicate with other cars via Morse code* "I…am…a…vegan"
@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and something good will happen at some point in the near future that you can choose to attribute to having retweeted this.