@AmberTozer: Good thing "you only live once" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal
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@TheHyyyype: ME: i honestly only had one drink WIFE: i don't believe a word you just said ME: no, i swear *pulls out dictionary* they're all real
@PerfectPending: Please do not compare your dog problems to parenting. Your dog cannot say your name 3,258 times in a day.
@VeryLonelyLuke: Rey: I want to be your Jedi student. Me: Did you hear what happened to all my other Jedi students? Rey: No. Me: Good. Let's get started.
@sexncake: I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.