@SamDeLanche: Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
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@goodersuk74: I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely
@trevso_electric: Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for "superficial"? "Shallow"? "Slave"? Or "soon to be obsolete"?
@TheTweetOfGod: Great news! Chipotle is giving out thousands of free burritos tomorrow! That means I’ll be seeing thousands of you by this weekend!
@llvvzz: Google+ is starting to sound like a half-way house for people that aren't phony enough for Facebook but aren't edgy enough for Twitter.