@botandy: google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law
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@patnelke: My sleeping pills say don't mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything.
@Owl_Meat: [Next door dog barking] Me: *inserts earpugs* [Barking intensifies] Me: wtf................haha oh *removes earpugs and inserts earplugs*
@macchiatonumb: Random girl: OMG I love your UGG boots Me: No No... that's just the way my feet look
@thepunningman: Cop: You already had your phonecall now state your name for the tape or you're going to jail Ivana Fonekaal: [looks at lawyer]