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@imadepoopstoday: [job interview]
"We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."
It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it.
@LeannaZaiden: This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.
@jakob_huber: "What's your greatest strength?"
[interviewer presses intercom button] "Pat, please bring a flashlight in here"
@markhoppus: Parents, talk with your children about the importance of saving frequently so they won't have to restart at the beginning of the level.
@_Water_Baby: The ostrich may have the right idea
but I hate sand in my hair.