@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
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@Contwixt: Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that's going to treat it with the respect it deserves.
@daemonic3: [spelling bee] JUDGE: Your word is walk "Walk. W-A-L-K. Walk" JUDGE: [pulls off mask to reveal he is a dog] I KNEW IT! *glares at owner*
@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
@slimmy_shady: Her: "How is it possible for anyone to be an idiot all the freakin time!" Me: "I know, I'm completely exhausted."