@stonedcoldlazy: Got a message from the anti virus app on my phone telling me Twitter was safe. Clearly, the app isn't reading your tweets or looking at pics
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@papasuncle: My wife just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid just went from 0 to 750ml.
@ArfMeasures: [Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not
@WilliamRodgers: It's impossible for TWO dudes to ride ONE motorcycle without it looking romantic...