@kiralc: "Got any drugs or alcohol on you?"
"yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"
@MarfSalvador: [Looking at the vast night sky]
Her: What do you think about other life forms?
Him: Well *thoughtfully rubs chin* wallabies are shit
@ShortSleeveSuit: [English class]
Her: I’m never sure how to properly use a colon
Me [trying to impress her]: *poops*
@SexySpacePrince: *eats way too much delicious space pudding*
Me: Oof I am STUFFED! What'd you call this again?
Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!
@living_marble: Why must the weapons in Clue be so mundane? It's an imaginary murder. Why not a teapot full of bees, a laser gun, a poem so beautiful it kills?
@AGStr8upNinja: If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks.