@ch000ch: got bored and went to Home Depot wearing an orange apron to see how good i am at making up answers to peoples home repair questions
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@thatUPSdude: Me: Want some of my nachos? Coworker: I don't like nachos. Me: Hello 911, what's consider premeditated murder?
@AnemoneOh: Date: what kind of work do you do? Me: I dabble in real estate [Dad yells down the stairs] She visits open houses and eats the free cheese