@ch000ch: got bored and went to Home Depot wearing an orange apron to see how good i am at making up answers to peoples home repair questions
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@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
@eff_yeah_steph: *sees dead squirrel on the road* Oh, poor squirrel. *realizes it’s just a sock* *whispers* poor sock
@AmishPornStar1: I need a way to keep fit that will make me look like a crazy person so no one will approach me while I do it. -inventor of powerwalking
@nice_mustard: endless breadsticks. bottomless fries. yawning abyss of onion rings. HOWLING DESOLATE CHASM OF POTATO SKINS