@KrunkedRobot: Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right.
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@iamspacegirl: In the middle of a GOP debate, Scooby and the gang suddenly rush the stage. They wrestle Trump to the ground, struggling to remove his face.
@ashmensch: *writes on wall in ketchup* THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED Boss: What the hell are you doing? Me: Somebody ate my corndogs.
@doktorj: My house is like an Indiana Jones movie. Partly because I walk around with a bullwhip, but mostly because of all the cobwebs.