@iLikeCatShirts: Got fired from Taco Bell because I was lick-sealing the burritos like a joint.
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@callmeshitto: 18 years ago today, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved our country and our PLANET from an alien invasion. Never forget
@hgracestewart: It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius.
@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.
@AphroditeAfter5: Yes Grandma, I'm almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq