@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.
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@HeyZeus666: I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down.
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: "Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a nice..Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"