@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.
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@davidkenny100: Have you never heard of the boy that cried wolf??? The girl that coughed bees? The boy that sneezed sharks? The girl that shit spiders?
@Kyle_Lippert: If you look in your bathroom mirror & say "Donald Trump" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs.
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.