@catstronomical: *grabbing my own shoulders and shaking myself* PLEASE, for the love of god, just tell me what you want
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@mrjohndarby: My family gather round while the lawyer quietly reads my will. He hands out 1 hot dog each and when they finish eating he asks them to leave
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
@nyctwon: I feel creepy every time I 'follow' someone. Where are they going to take me? I hope its somewhere good