@catstronomical: *grabbing my own shoulders and shaking myself* PLEASE, for the love of god, just tell me what you want
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@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.
@NoTheOtherJohn: "Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* "THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!" [voice from the back] "Nobody was going to."
@InternetHippo: 1996: Why do they call the internet “the web” 20 years later, trapped & unable to leave: Oh
@LlamaInaTux: Robber: give me your money Me: this is embarrassing but I am broke Robber: not a problem. I can loan you a 20 Me: thanks dude Robber: no problem. Now give me your money