@DanMentos: [grabs mic during TED Talk] They're towing a BMW in the parking lot
*crowd goes apeshit*
@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
@InsouciantMan: Nobody ever sneezes in movies.
@WakeVII: 1) Go to Starbucks
2) Order coffee
3) Tell them your name is Waldo
@heyitsJudeD: And God said to John, come forth and ye shall be granted eternal life.....
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
@PaperWash: *Signs into Facebook
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" is posted everywhere