@jwoodham: GRADUATION TIP: Don't graduate! The real world is terrifying. Hide out in the library. They can't make you leave if they can't find you!
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@LnL245: [Checking in at Comic Con] Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay? Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked "Casual"*
@Merman_Melville: Why doesn't anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don't have it
@SortaBad: If I lost a leg in an accident the worst part would be never being able to flush a public toilet again