@jwoodham: GRADUATION TIP: Don't graduate! The real world is terrifying. Hide out in the library. They can't make you leave if they can't find you!
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@Shower4Thought: I wonder if a murderer has ever crossed my path, contemplated murdering me, and then thought "nah".
@ericsshadow: [undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?
@ShutUpThatsWho: [dog wedding] [Bride throws bouquet into crowd] [Groom catches it, gives it back to Bride] [Bride throws bouquet again] [Groom catches..
@Chumpstring: GENIE: you have three wishes ME: wow ok gimme a second GENIE: done ME: wait GENIE: sure if that's your wish ME: be quiet GENIE: ME: damn