@Jackiethepaper: Grandma's funeral ft. Pitbull
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@allthatisbecca: I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted "WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her
@weirdralph: They can identify a dead body by its dental records. How cool is that? "We don't know who he is, but we know his dentist!"