@TheTweetOfGod: Great news! Chipotle is giving out thousands of free burritos tomorrow! That means I’ll be seeing thousands of you by this weekend!
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@crabgirl_: *Date with a boy I dated when we went to kindergarden* *puts two big bowls of worms and mudwater on the table* Him-YUCK!!! Me-You've changed
@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw: You can insult anyone you want, as long as you end the sentence with "but in a good way".
@KeetPotato: playboy: "apparently they just read it for the articles" [takes out all nude women] every man on earth: "well this has back-fired massively"
@DomesticGoddss: If it takes a village to raise a child, why are my neighbors sipping coffee peacefully on their front porch while I do all the work?