@Rollmaninoz: Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere.
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@Freudstombstone: It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged.
@moose_chocolate: How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
@UrbanDouchebag: Wish I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Actually sir, we have you on camera."
@Maxine12333: If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.