@Donna_McCoy: Growing up, my weather app was a window. Now I need two forecasts and a radar map just to decide how I should do my hair.
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@Gupton68: Wife: I won't ask again, take the trash out! Me: OK, ok. I'm doing it! [3 days later] W: Can you take the trash out? M: No way! W: *angry* I beg your pardon? M: *shrugging* You promised you'd never ask me again W: I despise you
@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I want to run over my neighbor with my SUV. How can I do that without raising my insurance rates?
@GrantTanaka: before 2018 ends, I'd like to apologize to the guy who parked too close to me at the Family Dollar. Sorry for leaving that note on your car, I did not mean those things I wrote about your mother