@Donna_McCoy: Growing up, my weather app was a window. Now I need two forecasts and a radar map just to decide how I should do my hair.
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@AndrewNadeau0: PRIEST: 1st the groom’s vows. ME: *Unfolds notes* I’m only doing this for the cake. PRIEST: That’s not really- HER: That’s what I wrote too.
@shkeeber: Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!
@ksej: "Having sex for money is bad because it is counterfeiting feelings" wow dude, I have bad news about every other customer service job ever
@murrman5: *nervously plays with tie* "I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews." That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk.