@Mike_Bianchi: Gurl are you Quantum Mechanics 'cause you got 10 different interpretations of everything, none of which fully corresponds with reality.
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@audipenny: person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON
@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.
@Cheeseboy22: "It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.
@Jamie1947: [tv ad] Hey folks, this is Don Key! Come on down to Key's Automotive for.. uh- [camera still rolling] holy shit .. donkey. my name is donkey