@Clint_Bing: Guy asked me today if I've ever owned a dog. I was like lmao yeah I own dogs all the time they can't even say shit back
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@AndrewNadeau0: HIM: I eat guys like you for breakfast. ME: I don’t underst—it’s 2:15, you can’t have breakfast now. HIM: No, like, I’m threatening you. ME: For tomorrow?
@BuckyIsotope: ME: *3D prints a girlfriend* Hey baby 3D Girlfriend: *3D prints a boyfriend* I have a boyfriend
@KentWGraham: After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. Usually at family gatherings where she threatens me if I don’t look happy.