@usermcuserface: Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost.
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@squirrel74wkgn: "What's funny?" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. "Why's that funny?" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane.
@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
@U_Want_Shum_M8: My 5 year old brother said "when I'm older I won't have a GF, I'll live on my own like my big brother" YEAH CAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY A CHOICE