@usermcuserface: Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost.
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@margolundy: Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. "I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING." Instant excitement.
@QwertyJones3: I live in fear of my kids going outside when it's raining, because they could get wet and multiply.
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: I'm going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat Barack: That's nice, Joe Joe: And then I'm going to offer him knuckle sandwiches
@foodfacenow: 1st Date Me: Just warning you. I get freaky. Her: Oh yeah? How freaky.? Me:*thinking of using pizza rolls as a pizza topping* So freaky.