@Ristolable: Guy on fb posted a picture of his baby w/ the caption "1st Easter!" Hell no, there have been like 2000, we're not starting over just for him
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@MondayPajamas: My cleaning lady always leaves me a list of supplies she needs to clean the house. Not sure what she needs 20 boxes of cold medicine though
@iLikeCatShirts: *Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
@AngelaEhh: If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?