@Ristolable: Guy on fb posted a picture of his baby w/ the caption "1st Easter!" Hell no, there have been like 2000, we're not starting over just for him
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@LosLos__: Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
@YayForJam: Walk into karate dojo. Bow. Assume made up karate stance. Taser the first guy who runs at you. Bow. Exit karate dojo
@DanielEdison_: "People keep accidentally asking me to purchase meat for them" "By mistake?" "Not you as well".