@truegritrumble: GUY WHO INVENTED JACK-O-LANTERNS: I bet this gourd would be cooler if it looked like it wanted to murder me.
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@DirtMcTurd: Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more. Suddenly all of Taylor Swifts songs make sense to me.
@JaneanPatience: Leonard Cohen is jamming in heaven with Prince now. Really awkwardly. It's not going well. Their musical styles aren't compatible
@MaraWritesStuff: I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone
@Steelers1972: You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.