@bornmiserable: Guys who say there's a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties.
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@Birdhumms: I got run over by a bus once but yes yes you're right, there's nothing worse than a paper cut!
@iGreenMonk: Someone just saw me trying to take a picture of myself and now I have a dead body to bury.
@bridger_w: "Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation
@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.