@SoulYodeler: Had I known you were coming I would have baked a cake. Instead you get to watch me decapitate an iguana. You should call ahead.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: *pinching bridge of my nose* Kid, the sky is blue because it's made of dead Smurfs, okay? Believe me, I don't like it either.
@OctopusCavemann: Waiter: Is something wrong with your fish? Me: I ordered it battered Waiter: Terribly sorry *punches fish* Me: Thanks
@Kennycruzin: When one squirrel says "I like to eat nuts", there is probably always another squirrel who says "that's what she said."