@squirrel74wkgn: Half way through the movie, I brought some popcorn downstairs for the kids & realized I rented the wrong Black Stallion DVD.
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@WilliamAder: "Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!" - Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks
@thepunningman: Robocop: I am Robotcop Criminal: You don't say the t you robo moron R: [visibly confused] Pu down he gun you are under arres
@onion_an: Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies