@OnlyFastEddie: Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar
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@nbadag: WIFE: can you preheat the oven? ME: you mean heat it WIFE: not this again ME: it can't be heated before it's heated. don't give me that look
@SatansTongue: *Sleeping Beauty gives rotten apple to Obama* *Obama faints* Only a kiss from his one true love will save him *Biden takes out lipstick*
@sweb74: Studies found that 1 in 4 men are gay, meaning someone in my close group of friends is gay. I hope its Dave, he's really cute...
@iamk1ts: All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.