@noog: Hand 2 toddlers a poisoned cookie and tell them not to eat it, then leave for a day. Some would call that stupid. The Bible calls it Genesis
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@artsofdrawing: *During math test* My answer: 28. Answer choices: 17, 19, 26, 45. Me: "well 26 is closer to 28, so that must be the answer."
@JaiWalker: *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* *panics* OMG WHAT'S THAT NOISE? *son walks in with powered toothbrush* *buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* thank GOD.
@UNTRESOR: Homeless Yelp Review: Dumpster behind grocery on Calhoun & Fairfax BARELY had any rotting fruit. Owner chased me off with a bat. 0 stars.
@djdarrellripley: Cop: Could I have your name? Me: Well, you could, but it would be an incredible coincidence. *Send Bail Money*