@cbdoubleu: [hands a flat-earther a frisbee] here's a basket ball
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@MatCro: NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*
@nigelgodwin: My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them
@BetteMidler: Donald Trump calls on Hillary to shut down her foundation. Meanwhile, we’re all still begging him to choose a more natural color for his.