@cbdoubleu: [hands a flat-earther a frisbee] here's a basket ball
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@SortaBad: You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby
@gurl_sour: Police found the neighbourhood paedophile shot in the head 27 times. Authorities ruled it the worst case of suicide in a decade.
@Douchekevin: Told my girlfriend she should scream out 'my god you're huge'!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room
@iwearaonesie: wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing