@joejwest: HANG GLIDER COP: I see a crime happening directly below me
Not much I can do
@lawking30: I photobombed my pal's passport photo & now they won't let him through customs unless I'm behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz.
@belleykell: Motherhood means never questioning why you found a Stormtrooper in the toilet just now
@MCaparco: Jesus??? Nah, Vishnu is my copilot...he's got like 4 arms.
@JWilsonGA: I don't know what "swag" is, but I was just told Justin Bieber & Lil Wayne both claim to have it. So, I'm assuming it's not talent.
@13spencer: [Having a problem with my iPhone]
Me: *texting myself* Test
Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend