@AmberTozer: "Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you've been wearing the same outfit all week is you" - my fashion blog
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@Fred_Delicious: "son, I've had to throw my golf socks out" "Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA" "No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"
@Sassafrantz: Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt.
@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
@Rachelnoise: Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby.